The Voice of Liberty: June 2019

When I was much, much younger, I could afford the times of jealousy, envy, anxiety, and bitterness that came with loss. With any subtraction from my life, I had to deal with the sordid war between my feelings and my logic. My heart would swing wildly in the winds of varied emotions. I would blame myself and then, others, and then, God, and then, myself. My mind would show its strength and vigor assuring me that, in the midst of hope and change, it is natural to lose those we love both living and dead. Despite the foreknowledge of the promises of God including the word of honor that we shall see Him face to face, the balance of my world was often upset because I could not deal earnestly with a negative return on my emotional investment.

Am I a fool or a wise man? What shall I say of myself if my status has changed and all I have to show for it are banks filled with memories, both good and evil, and a spirit and heart so broken and defiled? How shall the world judge me? How shall I judge myself? In learning to say goodbye to both the living and the dead, it is the power to choose victor-hood or victimhood that is in my hands.

Many young people have lived without the wise counsel of what to do when love or lust wanes between two people. Young people in a fatherless generation have few wise resources on which to rely. I seek only in this writing to prepare the hearts, minds, and souls--abandoned by reason and left to the careless whispers of pop culture experts--to seek the power to choose victor-hood over victimhood when learning to love and engaging in relationships. I pray that my words shall encourage victory in life for those that have little hope and prosper a new generation to love each other as God and, not the world, would have them to do so A generation, I pray, that will know the fruits of true love.

As a Man of God, I was often challenged with the divine conundrum delivered unto me by fellow believers that if I truly believed in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ then, I should not be so moved in spirit when someone leaves me or is taken from me. There was a multitude of metaphors assigned to such losses when comfort was sought. The best comparisons were always driven by the short and long terms of atmospheric quantitative analysis. No matter the time or type of relationship, the weather was always the best format of explanation.

The meteorologists of my life, when referring to the loss of the living, advised that friendships and loves were most akin to natural climate change. Such intimate bonds are as variant and steady as are the transitions from winter to spring and from summer to fall. Like weather is measured from moment to moment, some relationships are often as short-lived. Some are fervent and devastating as hurricanes or tornadoes. Others are as benign and tender as the gentle mist of an Appalachian morn or as soft as the breezes ashore Jamaica as the evening rises. No matter the relationship, like weather, all relationships have expiration dates. Some are natural and some are artificially induced. Some are short and others long. However, you have a choice. You may enjoy the moments as they lapse or you may stress awaiting the time that it grows moldy and stale as it nears its expiration.

How you choose allows you alone to live in joy or in pain.

The climatologists of my life referred to relationships as the days and nights align themselves in the measure of the calendar. The collection of climates are known to men and so is the length of quality to each of us. Some relationships are as the monsoons upon the Brazillian rainforest. No matter how long they last, these relationships are consistently either wet or dry. They are either passionate or frigid. Some relationships are as the oceanic climate of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. No matter how long or short, there is sufficient rain. No matter throughout the coldest or warmest moments, each pours into the other meeting every conceivable need--body, mind, soul, and strength. Some relationships are as the deserts of the Arctic or the Sahara. The longing and the wanting for fulfillment is incessantly unmet. Give and take is not an option. It is an either-or proposition. The craving for something better and more fulfilling without excessive struggle or incredible adaptation is always afoot.

The choice of quality is yours alone. How you choose allows you to prosper or languish.

Simply, the only permanent relationship that you may have in your life is your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. In all of our mortal relationships, in life or death, we must be willing to cherish, persevere, and free. In cherishing, we must know how to hold those that we love as "dear, treat with tenderness, and show affection". Each person has something to offer that we savor. No matter the strengths or weaknesses, we must be willing to spend the time exploring the best in each person. We must selfishly acknowledge that our time is valuable to us individually. While we experience each other's weaknesses, we will not invest again in blind faith our time, our wealth, and our skills to those that return us bitter fruits. In our kind pursuits, we must be willing to know and admit that our time is not so great upon this Earth that we waste it upon those that offer nothing more than the interest to "steal, kill and destroy".

Good love languishes because bad like is given too great an affection. In giving and receiving love, we must treat with tenderness those we have chosen. If we are to love someone dearly then, we shall no less expect to be loved dearly. When this cannot be honestly agreed upon then, we must cherish our time and be willing to renegotiate the terms of our relationships. Confine not yourself to the morbid satisfaction of grief and sorrow but, live and live more abundantly.

If this is love then, we must be willing to persevere. When we speak of perseverance, we must be willing "to have and to hold".

Wait a minute, Ken, my significant other and I are just dating, why are you talking marriage? We are just hanging out! No harm, no foul! Right?

We have buried the revelations of "to have and to hold" within our modern romantic thoughts of wedding vows. How dear it is to see our friends stand before God and man to speak these edicts to their chosen loved ones. The Black's Law Dictionary Free Online Legal Dictionary 2nd Ed. advises that this phrase is more about the conveyance of property than the expression of adoration. In Black's Law Dictionary, it is written:

"The words in a conveyance which show the estate intended to be conveyed. Thus, in a conveyance of land in fee-simple, the grant is to “A. and his heirs, to have and to hold be said [land] unto and to the use of the said A., his heirs and assigns forever.” Williams, Real Prop. 108. Strictly speaking, however, the words “to have” denote the estate to be taken, while the words “to hold” signify that it is to be held of some superior lord, {. e., by way of tenure, (q. v.) The former clause is called the “habendum;” the latter, the “tenendum.” Co. Litt. 6o."

Romance is a lovely thing yet, it is seldom completely understood beyond the glory of sultry novels and psychobabble-ridden theatrical performances. What we hold dearly we must be willing to allow someone greater to hold it. The possessor's responsibility is to cherish it more greatly than the one from whom he or she received it. This is the measure by which we are to determine if the relationship is worthy in which we are to persevere.

In life and death, we must deal with the estate. As defined, an estate is the "lawful right as the owner of an asset or property to hold the legal title/ownership". In death, we say goodbye when we read the last will and testament of our loved one. However, in the living, the estate that we hold most dear is our heart, our love. In this, I do not speak of two persons on a first date at the local movie house. For those that have promised themselves, each must know that they have some worth to pass on and to uphold.

As with money, the heart shall not be trifled. As with money, there will be up days and down days. However, we must pursue without end a greater estate than which we offered each other. We must not be merely an estate of inanimate things but, a living legacy--"a body of persons on a mission". We are to be lively stones, As a couple on a mission then, we must be willing to faithfully "exchange" unto each other strength for weakness and surrender weakness for strength. A superior lord must be found in order to consider the excellent worth of such an exchange. To whom we give our love, we must be willing to judge the value of our and their individual walks. Is this a journey that we can share? If so, how shall we measure its worth? In feet? In yards? In miles? How we jointly answer, lends us the pathway to victor-hood or victimhood.

In living, when we read the last will and testament of our daily pursuit of each other, we must be honest with ourselves and those that we call our loved ones. Honesty is a difficult tool to embrace when we seek only to deceive ourselves and others. Saying goodbye to the living requires us to regard with honor the very being of the ones that we entered into a relationship. When the seeds of deceit are planted and then watered by the bitter tears of sorrow, it is very unlikely that any future harvest will bear great joy. We shall never let our loved ones become our sacrificial lambs. Victims of false scales, we bury our hearts in unfair and pernicious exchanges. Tragically, we seeth in anger, jealousy, passionate fervor as another makes light of our hearts. We die before we say goodbye.

This is not the pathway of most resistance but, of least. As we die, we utter encouragements to ourselves: "this is not really happening", "maybe if I change a little more then, things will be different", and " I know that this is only a temporary thing". The living must answer, "shall I persevere?"

The soul spitefully encourages you to go partially clad and ill-armed for the battles of the days to come. Wearily you say to yourself that a false exchange is still an acceptable one. Painfully, you say before the new dawn, "This is all that I have and all that I will ever have."

The answer to "shall I persevere" is the most difficult of all, for a battle of logic versus emotions ensues. In a silent place and away from the world, I suggest that you sit. This is not a battle for fists and fury but of a sound mind. It is counter-intuitive warfare. The sword of a victor must be worn for this warfare. It will test the very inner strength, not of the one that you believe deceives you but, of who you are. Either your logic or your emotions shall prevail over you. If it is your emotions then, you may deceive yourself. If it is your mind then, you shall regard each of you with honor.

The sword that you shall sheath yourself with is the question, "Shall we be free?"

We all say that we are free. However, when we are unable to move either to the left or to the right because we fear what we will lose or believe that we can offer anyone anything better, or receive a better opportunity then, how free are we?

Tracing the origins of the word "free" takes us first to the Old English "freo" meaning "exempt from; not in bondage, acting of one's own will", When in bondage to lust or fantasy, we often burden ourselves with excuses for not saying goodbye. We fancy only to remember the best of moments or best of seasons. In an already skewed scale, we further belie ourselves the weights of the bondage set against us by another. You have denied yourself the sense of reasoning to honor the virtues of the other. The signs were there but, you ignored them.

1. He or She began purchasing newer clothes or sexy undergarments. He or she starts wearing a different perfume or fragrance or taking excessive interest in his or her hair, makeup, figure, and overall appearance. Suddenly, image matters.

2. He or She gets angry or upset about something he or she has never gotten angry with you about before.

3. He or She spends more quality time at the office and less quality time with you.

4. He or She needs more rest or alone time than intimacy within the relationship.

You have known for a while. Your Spidey senses have been tingling for so long that people sitting next to you on the bus get an unintended body massage.

When the dividend yield on our romantic investment has shrunk dramatically and our capital relationship gains have all been eliminated then, we must be sincere in our "goodbye" evaluation. Our blinders must be removed. Our false hopes erased. Our judgment sharpened. We must face the facts as truth and not myth or fable.

The return on emotional investment is zilch, nada, or non-existent. The sword has been drawn. Shall we be free? If you can face the rising sun and call it day then, you may sheath your sword. The challenge to overcome was never for the one that you loved. The challenge to overcome was for the one that loved.

The greatest deception that one must overcome is the deception of self. When you can accept the truth in any relationship then, you can fully cherish the one that is loved. You can persevere when the scales are balanced in the exchange of love and honor the essential distance for each to find the true love that is sought. When you know that time has elapsed and that life must go on then, while many nights will be filled with tears, you will stand strong and not only accept but, earnestly pursue your destiny. In learning to say goodbye to both the living and the dead, it is the power to choose victor-hood or victimhood that is in your hands. You are free of any bondage.

You may say good-bye.